David

David, this poor restless, wandering soul, was born out of a mess. Or atleast, so I've been told. I grew up believing that his family was decent. His parents were never anything but welcoming to me. They were very involved in their little country, southern baptist church. I bet they were so welcoming to me to get him out of their hair. It seems like everyone who knows him just wants to get him out of their hair. That actually makes me feel very sad for him, like no one wants him around, but I will tell you, when David's path of destruction hits you square in the forehead like a ton of bricks, any feelings of sympathy immediately vanish.

Here's what I only have been told. It's purely hearsay: David's mother had a child out of wedlock. Not many people knew who the father of that child was. I think the kid eventually knew, but never had anything to do with the father. That child was fatherless. A decade or so later, she was having an affair with a married man. Maybe he was married, maybe he was already divorced or going through a divorce. She became pregnant again. They married and had David.

The whole time we were teenagers I always wondered why his older half brother and sister never seemed to want to have much to do with him. Would you want to love a baby brother that was born from your father having an affair and then getting divorced from your mother? It feels so tragic... to bring a baby into this situation. But... sins of the father....., sins of the father...., sins of the father... those words have ran through my mind billions of times in the last 18 months of my life.

David was always different. His closest friends say they knew he was gay in elementary school. His family members always targeted him. I'm sure he felt picked on a lot growing up. I'm certain HE knew he was different.

When I met him at band camp that summer and then became so close with him, I just thought he was a good looking guy who knew how to have a good time. He went to church, didn't drink or do illegal things (other than drive without a driver license..) and he played the trumpet fairly well. I guess when you meet evil people, the word "evil" is never tattooed on their forehead, is it?

We sure had some good, fun times together. We "dated" for that WEEK in December of 1999. Then after I graduated in May of 2000 we got really close. Actually, during the next year, I had the biggest crush on him. And he knew it. He used that against me so many times, but I never saw how deep the evil ran... He dated other girls, but kept talking to me and leading me on. He and another friend in our circle had a gay relationship going on... and yet he lead me on.

In the spring of 2001, I was working as the PBX Operator for a local hospital. He would call and talk while I was on duty on the weekends. One night he asked if I wanted to go to the prom with him that year. I was absolutely ELATED... and we began planning the prom night. I was so very excited. We picked out the dress I would wear, drove to Union City to rent it, he helped me buy jewelry, and then prom night came. He dance with me one time, we took a picture. My feelings were so hurt that night. I've never really thought much about why he wanted me to be his date. .. I guess because he didn't want to have anyone be his pawn like he knew I would be.

Even though it seems silly to think about it now, 15 years later, it really hurt my feelings.

I used to journal. I kept hand written journals of just about everything I did from 1999 to 2005 when I married. Everything David did to me is in those journals. The tear-stained pages of weekend after weekend we would make plans, only to have them canceled.

A year passed. He graduated high school in 2002. He continued to hurt me. I continued to offer forgiveness, thinking that each time, he wouldn't do it again. The little hurts that piled up caused so much scar tissue that I guess I couldn't even feel him hurting me anymore.

I remember him throwing it in my face that he had a new group of friends, that he was dating one of them - one of the girls. He would brag about the three way kisses they would do, and what making out with his girlfriend was like.

When he got to college, he was SO excited to get in on the party scene. I knew he would party.. i knew he would get into doing things that he had no business doing, but I never guessed he would turn into what he eventually turned into. I remember going to his frat house for the first - and only- time. He showed me around... he was proud to tell me about the partying, the boozing, the smoking that he had been doing. Even though I was disgusted, I acted like I was excited for him to be doing whatever we wanted - for him to be on his own.

Meanwhile, I was in Nashville and was beginning to seriously date Bradley. I slowly began to lose that connection I had with my hometown friends as I got into college deeper, and began my serious relationship with Bradley.

One Christmas when I was home from school in Nashville, David called me at 2am crying in the phone. He was somewhere drunk, but I was in Ripley and could not help him. I remember telling Bradley about that phone conversation... Brad was so disgusted that someone I knew would get themselves in such a mess.

David was kicked out of his college fraternity. From what I was told, it was because of stealing... who knows. He had started experimenting with illegal drugs... what kinds and how much I do not know. He "came out" to all of us in 2002 I think. He dropped out of college. Too much partying and not enough studying I'm sure... i never knew how he paid for the first semester, but if he had any grants or scholarships, I'm sure they were long gone by the middle of the first semester. He began waiting tables... and long string of wait staff jobs. It was my understanding that he would miss so much, or not show up.. and then he'd lose a job. He had many jobs.

We read in the local newspaper once upon a time that he was arrested for cocaine possession in Dyersburg, TN. According to him, he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Isn't that what they all say? He had become friends with a pretty shady girl from Dyersburg... in high school I had told him to stay clear of her, but he liked the attention she gave him. And he ended up with a cocaine possession to his name. He then had to leave Memphis and come home to complete his community service to keep it off his record... it was very conveinent for him to say he came home to take care of his sick father.

If there was anything that I thought highly of David for, it was because he took care of his sick father before he passed away. I didn't have much contact during that year or so, but I have learned in hindsight that his older half siblings have said that he drugged his father to death. Even though it sounds like a horrible horrible thing to do, I sure wouldn't put it past him. He was probably tired of the routine of care... being up during the nights... having to watch him like a hawk. We all know how lazy David is.

I played the piano at David's father's funeral. It was a nice funeral. David gave a eulogy. I think he wore makeup on his face.

During my marriage Brad basically forbid me to talk or to see David. He knew what a terrible person he was. He knew what a terrible influence he was. When i used to ask Brad about why he seemed to dislike David's presence in my life so much, his answer was that he hated that David had hurt me so much. He hated to know that David was still somehow hurting me. Wow.. that seems so meaningless now. But this is one of the very things that allows me to hang on to the fact that once upon a time, Bradley Harrell knew truth and understood truth. But when he played with fire, he got caught up in it... and it was then that he couldn't tell which way was up.

On June 4, 2005, Brad and I married. David showed up to our wedding with a red mohawk. Deep in my heart I was glad to see him, even though I was disgusted and Brad hated that he was there, or atleast he made me think he hated David being there.

In the summer of 2009 the eight of "us" got together in Greers Ferry, Arkansas for a friend reunion. It was all of us from high school. 5 girls. 3 gay guys. We had a blast that weekend... it was a very happy weekend. One that we would never repeat again with all 8 of us. When we all got ready to pack up and leave from all the fun we had, David broke down into tears. I remember feeling SO bad for him. He said, "all of ya'll have lives to go back to. I have no one. I have no life." He sobbed and sobbed over this... and I just thought - David, you had the same opportunity as all of us! And what have you done with it?

In January of 2014 I got a phone call from David. I was sitting at my desk in the music room at Ripley Primary School where I had been the music teacher for two years. His mother was remarrying a man from Lauderdale County and they wanted me to play the piano for the ceremony. It was in February of that year,  on Valentine's Day I believe, and I was about 4 weeks shy of giving birth to Don, my second son. I was excited to see David, but his appearance about shocked me. His color wasn't right. He had some serious dark circles around his eyes. That was the first time I met Micah - his much younger live in boyfriend. We took pictures together - and when I got home and showed them to Brad, we both commented on how terrible he looked.

David dated many men, and had a few long term relationships with them. The few who I spoke with all stated that he stole from them, lied to them, was a drug addict, and was just a terrible person. He would always jump in head first to relationships... would move in together, and within two or three years, they had had enough. They had to get him out of their hair. The last break up was bad. The boyfriend began to suspect that David was addicted to heroine.. which of course, he was correct in thinking that. He tried getting David to leave. David eventually sold a bunch of valuable things that belonged to his boyfriend in order to feed his expensive heroine habit... and he was evicted. All of David's belongings were thrown on the side of a busy Memphis street. He was broke. No job. Nobody. And addicted to drugs.

He had begun treatment in a Methadone clinic in Memphis, but when his last boyfriend literally kicked him out, he had nowhere to go but to come home. Where was his home? The house he grew up in out on Country Club Road was sitting empty. Remember? His mother had remarried about 3 months prior, and she was living out in the county with her new husband. David moved in with them. Sometimes he slept in the front bedroom, and sometimes he slept in the camper out in the yard. I could not imagine being a newlywed and then having to tell my husband that my loser gay son was having to come and stay because he had no where else to go.

They wanted him out of their hair.

This brings us to the summer of 2014.