David, this poor restless, wandering soul, was born out of a mess. Or atleast, so I've been told. I grew up believing that his family was decent. His parents were never anything but welcoming to me. They were very involved in their little country, southern baptist church. I bet they were so welcoming to me to get him out of their hair. It seems like everyone who knows him just wants to get him out of their hair. That actually makes me feel very sad for him, like no one wants him around, but I will tell you, when David's path of destruction hits you square in the forehead like a ton of bricks, any feelings of sympathy immediately vanish.
Here's what I only have been told. It's purely hearsay: David's mother had a child out of wedlock. Not many people knew who the father of that child was. I think the kid eventually knew, but never had anything to do with the father. That child was fatherless. A decade or so later, she was having an affair with a married man. Maybe he was married, maybe he was already divorced or going through a divorce. She became pregnant again. They married and had David.
The whole time we were teenagers I always wondered why his older half brother and sister never seemed to want to have much to do with him. Would you want to love a baby brother that was born from your father having an affair and then getting divorced from your mother? It feels so tragic... to bring a baby into this situation. But... sins of the father....., sins of the father...., sins of the father... those words have ran through my mind billions of times in the last 18 months of my life.
David was always different. His closest friends say they knew he was gay in elementary school. His family members always targeted him. I'm sure he felt picked on a lot growing up. I'm certain HE knew he was different.
When I met him at band camp that summer and then became so close with him, I just thought he was a good looking guy who knew how to have a good time. He went to church, didn't drink or do illegal things (other than drive without a driver license..) and he played the trumpet fairly well. I guess when you meet evil people, the word "evil" is never tattooed on their forehead, is it?
We sure had some good, fun times together. We "dated" for that WEEK in December of 1999. Then after I graduated in May of 2000 we got really close. Actually, during the next year, I had the biggest crush on him. And he knew it. He used that against me so many times, but I never saw how deep the evil ran... He dated other girls, but kept talking to me and leading me on. He and another friend in our circle had a gay relationship going on... and yet he lead me on.
In the spring of 2001, I was working as the PBX Operator for a local hospital. He would call and talk while I was on duty on the weekends. One night he asked if I wanted to go to the prom with him that year. I was absolutely ELATED... and we began planning the prom night. I was so very excited. We picked out the dress I would wear, drove to Union City to rent it, he helped me buy jewelry, and then prom night came. He dance with me one time, we took a picture. My feelings were so hurt that night. I've never really thought much about why he wanted me to be his date. .. I guess because he didn't want to have anyone be his pawn like he knew I would be.
Even though it seems silly to think about it now, 15 years later, it really hurt my feelings.
I used to journal. I kept hand written journals of just about everything I did from 1999 to 2005 when I married. Everything David did to me is in those journals. The tear-stained pages of weekend after weekend we would make plans, only to have them canceled.
A year passed. He graduated high school in 2002. He continued to hurt me. I continued to offer forgiveness, thinking that each time, he wouldn't do it again. The little hurts that piled up caused so much scar tissue that I guess I couldn't even feel him hurting me anymore.
I remember him throwing it in my face that he had a new group of friends, that he was dating one of them - one of the girls. He would brag about the three way kisses they would do, and what making out with his girlfriend was like.
When he got to college, he was SO excited to get in on the party scene. I knew he would party.. i knew he would get into doing things that he had no business doing, but I never guessed he would turn into what he eventually turned into. I remember going to his frat house for the first - and only- time. He showed me around... he was proud to tell me about the partying, the boozing, the smoking that he had been doing. Even though I was disgusted, I acted like I was excited for him to be doing whatever we wanted - for him to be on his own.
Meanwhile, I was in Nashville and was beginning to seriously date Bradley. I slowly began to lose that connection I had with my hometown friends as I got into college deeper, and began my serious relationship with Bradley.
One Christmas when I was home from school in Nashville, David called me at 2am crying in the phone. He was somewhere drunk, but I was in Ripley and could not help him. I remember telling Bradley about that phone conversation... Brad was so disgusted that someone I knew would get themselves in such a mess.
David was kicked out of his college fraternity. From what I was told, it was because of stealing... who knows. He had started experimenting with illegal drugs... what kinds and how much I do not know. He "came out" to all of us in 2002 I think. He dropped out of college. Too much partying and not enough studying I'm sure... i never knew how he paid for the first semester, but if he had any grants or scholarships, I'm sure they were long gone by the middle of the first semester. He began waiting tables... and long string of wait staff jobs. It was my understanding that he would miss so much, or not show up.. and then he'd lose a job. He had many jobs.
We read in the local newspaper once upon a time that he was arrested for cocaine possession in Dyersburg, TN. According to him, he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Isn't that what they all say? He had become friends with a pretty shady girl from Dyersburg... in high school I had told him to stay clear of her, but he liked the attention she gave him. And he ended up with a cocaine possession to his name. He then had to leave Memphis and come home to complete his community service to keep it off his record... it was very conveinent for him to say he came home to take care of his sick father.
If there was anything that I thought highly of David for, it was because he took care of his sick father before he passed away. I didn't have much contact during that year or so, but I have learned in hindsight that his older half siblings have said that he drugged his father to death. Even though it sounds like a horrible horrible thing to do, I sure wouldn't put it past him. He was probably tired of the routine of care... being up during the nights... having to watch him like a hawk. We all know how lazy David is.
I played the piano at David's father's funeral. It was a nice funeral. David gave a eulogy. I think he wore makeup on his face.
During my marriage Brad basically forbid me to talk or to see David. He knew what a terrible person he was. He knew what a terrible influence he was. When i used to ask Brad about why he seemed to dislike David's presence in my life so much, his answer was that he hated that David had hurt me so much. He hated to know that David was still somehow hurting me. Wow.. that seems so meaningless now. But this is one of the very things that allows me to hang on to the fact that once upon a time, Bradley Harrell knew truth and understood truth. But when he played with fire, he got caught up in it... and it was then that he couldn't tell which way was up.
On June 4, 2005, Brad and I married. David showed up to our wedding with a red mohawk. Deep in my heart I was glad to see him, even though I was disgusted and Brad hated that he was there, or atleast he made me think he hated David being there.
In the summer of 2009 the eight of "us" got together in Greers Ferry, Arkansas for a friend reunion. It was all of us from high school. 5 girls. 3 gay guys. We had a blast that weekend... it was a very happy weekend. One that we would never repeat again with all 8 of us. When we all got ready to pack up and leave from all the fun we had, David broke down into tears. I remember feeling SO bad for him. He said, "all of ya'll have lives to go back to. I have no one. I have no life." He sobbed and sobbed over this... and I just thought - David, you had the same opportunity as all of us! And what have you done with it?
In January of 2014 I got a phone call from David. I was sitting at my desk in the music room at Ripley Primary School where I had been the music teacher for two years. His mother was remarrying a man from Lauderdale County and they wanted me to play the piano for the ceremony. It was in February of that year, on Valentine's Day I believe, and I was about 4 weeks shy of giving birth to Don, my second son. I was excited to see David, but his appearance about shocked me. His color wasn't right. He had some serious dark circles around his eyes. That was the first time I met Micah - his much younger live in boyfriend. We took pictures together - and when I got home and showed them to Brad, we both commented on how terrible he looked.
David dated many men, and had a few long term relationships with them. The few who I spoke with all stated that he stole from them, lied to them, was a drug addict, and was just a terrible person. He would always jump in head first to relationships... would move in together, and within two or three years, they had had enough. They had to get him out of their hair. The last break up was bad. The boyfriend began to suspect that David was addicted to heroine.. which of course, he was correct in thinking that. He tried getting David to leave. David eventually sold a bunch of valuable things that belonged to his boyfriend in order to feed his expensive heroine habit... and he was evicted. All of David's belongings were thrown on the side of a busy Memphis street. He was broke. No job. Nobody. And addicted to drugs.
He had begun treatment in a Methadone clinic in Memphis, but when his last boyfriend literally kicked him out, he had nowhere to go but to come home. Where was his home? The house he grew up in out on Country Club Road was sitting empty. Remember? His mother had remarried about 3 months prior, and she was living out in the county with her new husband. David moved in with them. Sometimes he slept in the front bedroom, and sometimes he slept in the camper out in the yard. I could not imagine being a newlywed and then having to tell my husband that my loser gay son was having to come and stay because he had no where else to go.
They wanted him out of their hair.
This brings us to the summer of 2014.
Friday, January 15, 2016
Party like its 1999
1999 was a pretty eventful year for me. As a seventeen year old girl with a boyfriend, countless friends, a pretty active musical career beginning to shape up, and with her first car! I had a blast! Getting that 1996 Red Cavalier in March of that year was so exciting for me! I remember so well sitting in the office of Serra Chevrolet in Bartlett, TN talking to the salesman about the car, and then driving off the lot. The first song that came on the radio was "Scrubs" by TLC. I just chuckled. How fitting.
That year was the year my parents divorced. My mom had just gotten tired of her ho-hum life, and instead of taking the reigns and changing it for the better, she just let go. It's hard for me to believe that that was the right thing for her to do, but she was ready for a change I guess. She was 46 years old, had the body of a model, and was ready to do something different. My dad was devastated. I saw him crying a few times... I'll never forget it. My heart broke for him. Not really for my mother, because at 17 I understood what she was doing. But for my dad, who was married for almost 20 years, and then suddenly the other person made the decision to change everything.... how ultimately heartbreaking. Little did I know that I would go through that exact situation 15 years down the road.
My boyfriend Chris, and I had the best time that fall. In August of that year, after a year of dating, we finally became intimate with each other. It scared the crap out of me, and we did not do it very much, but I felt as though I could probably be in love with him. I think I was. But I had gotten close to David as a friend. Probably too close, but since I was a naive little girl who seems to always try to see the good in every person and in every situation, I was blinded to the truth that he was a very conniving and deceitful person. Chris hated that I was getting close to David, but I chalked it up to him just being jealous. David was driving a wedge between me and Chris.
David began telling me that he had feelings for me, that he had a crush on me. And again, I guess I've struggled with my self image my whole life, and when I hear those words from a male, its like I have an obligation to like him back just because he likes me... as screwed up as this is, its taken me until i'm almost 35 years old to be able to see it. One Friday night after a football game, i drove David home and he kissed me in my car. I remember the "oh shit, what have I done" feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was so long ago that I can't remember if I told Chris or not... but I think that I did, because I'm not the type of person to carry around burdens on myself. I have to share them to get them off of me.
It seems as if I did tell Chris, and we had it out about what happened between David and me. But I know there was one more incident that fall with David in my car. It might have been another Friday night football game... or just a night of riding around, but I know we ended up in a dark cove, parked in my car. We had a pretty steamy makeout session, David and me. In hindsight, I don't think he had a crush on me at all, or even liked me romantically, in fact I know he didn't, and so its still a mystery to me why he would bust up into my life and screw with my head like he did. Probably because I let him, and he knew I would let him, but I never saw it at the time. I wonder if there was something I did to him all those years ago, where he had made a decision to take revenge on me for a lifetime. Who knows?
Anyway, so Chris and I made up and in November of 1999 I went to Hawaii with him and his family. His father, the sweet and hilarious Dr. Luis Wong, God rest his soul, had a medical convention on the island of Kaui in Princeville. What a trip.... a trip of a lifetime. I can still see the images of the ocean in my mind. Who gets to see the ocean for the first time in HAWAII of all places?
By December David had driven an even deeper wedge between Chris and me, but this time I knew it, and I had just about stopped talking to him. I did not want anything to do with David. Chris and I just had a fabulous time in Hawaii, but David was still worrying me to death. I decided I needed to break up with Chris, just to clear my mind. It was a Sunday afternoon in December and I had gone up to the medical clinic his dad owned to have the talk. I had on a red Calvin Klein sweat shirt and we both cried like babies and kissed each other over and over. I had really hurt him and broken his heart... but David had clouded the waters SO BAD, that I just needed the time away from Chris, I guess. Chris even followed me out to my car, crying, begging me not to make that choice. He kissed me once more time, and I went home, heartbroken.
Later that same week, our high school choir gave the annual Christmas concert at First United Methodist Church in Ripley. I was the accompanist and my sweet friend and mentor Mr. Harley Patterson was our choir director. He is a man of 6'8" or something like that - huge man with a deep and powerful baritone voice. I loved him. They rolled the nine foot concert grand piano out in the middle of the worship platform and we gave the concert. I played as 300 students sang behind me. It was a very proud moment in my young musical life. Chris was in the audience. David was also in the audience. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.
It was a cold, nasty, rainy night and as I tried to gather my things and leave the concert, David followed me out. It was freezing. And raining. We stood underneath a portico and he put his hands on my shoulders telling me how much he liked me and how we would be so good together, how we'd have so much fun together and all the reasons why I didn't need to be with Chris anymore. It was a pretty dramatic moment - like something you'd see in a sappy romantic movie. Right about the time I hugged David (and fell into his evil trap), Chris drove around the corner in his big ol Dodge Ram extended cab truck. He flung it into park, rolled down the window, and yelled for me to come and get inside. But I didn't. I said no to Chris, and yes to David. Chris was again heartbroken, and I felt SO terrible for it, but David had made me believe him.
That next weekend, David and I went out on the first and only date we would ever go out on. He drove. He came and picked me up in his silver Jeep Cherokee and we drove to Jackson. I remember that we both dressed up for this date and even though I can't remember where we ate, I remember going to a bookstore with him. Every time I pass that particular bookstore in Jackson I think of that night in December of 1999 with David and how totally blind I was to all his deceit.
A few days later, maybe the following Saturday night, Chris and all his fraternity brothers were having a party at his house. My girlfriends wanted to go to have a good time at the party but I really wasn't up to it, since it was at Chris's house. We pulled into the driveway and I remember telling my friend Amanda, "oh i don't know.. i don't need to go in there." When I walked into the kitchen, all the lights were out and there were lots of people there. Of course Chris's parents were no where around, so all these high school fraternity boys had beers and they were drinking up a storm. At that point in my life, I had had only one alcoholic beverage, so I was sort of angered at Chris allowing these folks to do this in his house, but I didn't say anything. Chris was sitting on the countertop at the bar and I walked right up to him. He said he wanted to talk, so we ended up going outside and sitting in his truck. The song that was playing on the radio was "Back At One" by Brian McKnight. I'll never forget it. I can't remember if it was a CD playing that he had purposefully put in there or it just happened to be on the radio, but it made perfect sense right then at THAT moment that I should forget about David Sanders and all his craziness to try and "get me." Chris and I made up that night and we continued on with our relationship, although it sure didn't last much longer than that.
David had driven a pretty large wedge between Chris and me, and almost on purpose. The damage that he had caused was not going to be able to be repaired. When David got wind that we had reconciled he was furious. He wrote me a note that I held on to until the Christmas of 2014 that said "Merry Fucking Christmas! I hope you choke on your egg nog." It makes me cringe just thinking of how David messed things up for me then. I should have been through with him, but I wasn't. Even after all the drama, I still wanted to see the good in him. Too bad there was never any good there to ever find.
Chris and I broke up a couple of months later in February. Two weeks later, he had another girlfriend. I was heartbroken. David was no where to be seen.
Now that I've written all this, I can see so clearly the parallels between what happened with my high school boyfriend and what happened with my husband. I feel so dumb so falling for it not for the first time, but for the second time when it really mattered. I had a boyfriend who thought I hung the moon, and David came in and turned it into a mess. I had a husband who once upon a time thought I hung the moon. Too bad.
That year was the year my parents divorced. My mom had just gotten tired of her ho-hum life, and instead of taking the reigns and changing it for the better, she just let go. It's hard for me to believe that that was the right thing for her to do, but she was ready for a change I guess. She was 46 years old, had the body of a model, and was ready to do something different. My dad was devastated. I saw him crying a few times... I'll never forget it. My heart broke for him. Not really for my mother, because at 17 I understood what she was doing. But for my dad, who was married for almost 20 years, and then suddenly the other person made the decision to change everything.... how ultimately heartbreaking. Little did I know that I would go through that exact situation 15 years down the road.
My boyfriend Chris, and I had the best time that fall. In August of that year, after a year of dating, we finally became intimate with each other. It scared the crap out of me, and we did not do it very much, but I felt as though I could probably be in love with him. I think I was. But I had gotten close to David as a friend. Probably too close, but since I was a naive little girl who seems to always try to see the good in every person and in every situation, I was blinded to the truth that he was a very conniving and deceitful person. Chris hated that I was getting close to David, but I chalked it up to him just being jealous. David was driving a wedge between me and Chris.
David began telling me that he had feelings for me, that he had a crush on me. And again, I guess I've struggled with my self image my whole life, and when I hear those words from a male, its like I have an obligation to like him back just because he likes me... as screwed up as this is, its taken me until i'm almost 35 years old to be able to see it. One Friday night after a football game, i drove David home and he kissed me in my car. I remember the "oh shit, what have I done" feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was so long ago that I can't remember if I told Chris or not... but I think that I did, because I'm not the type of person to carry around burdens on myself. I have to share them to get them off of me.
It seems as if I did tell Chris, and we had it out about what happened between David and me. But I know there was one more incident that fall with David in my car. It might have been another Friday night football game... or just a night of riding around, but I know we ended up in a dark cove, parked in my car. We had a pretty steamy makeout session, David and me. In hindsight, I don't think he had a crush on me at all, or even liked me romantically, in fact I know he didn't, and so its still a mystery to me why he would bust up into my life and screw with my head like he did. Probably because I let him, and he knew I would let him, but I never saw it at the time. I wonder if there was something I did to him all those years ago, where he had made a decision to take revenge on me for a lifetime. Who knows?
Anyway, so Chris and I made up and in November of 1999 I went to Hawaii with him and his family. His father, the sweet and hilarious Dr. Luis Wong, God rest his soul, had a medical convention on the island of Kaui in Princeville. What a trip.... a trip of a lifetime. I can still see the images of the ocean in my mind. Who gets to see the ocean for the first time in HAWAII of all places?
By December David had driven an even deeper wedge between Chris and me, but this time I knew it, and I had just about stopped talking to him. I did not want anything to do with David. Chris and I just had a fabulous time in Hawaii, but David was still worrying me to death. I decided I needed to break up with Chris, just to clear my mind. It was a Sunday afternoon in December and I had gone up to the medical clinic his dad owned to have the talk. I had on a red Calvin Klein sweat shirt and we both cried like babies and kissed each other over and over. I had really hurt him and broken his heart... but David had clouded the waters SO BAD, that I just needed the time away from Chris, I guess. Chris even followed me out to my car, crying, begging me not to make that choice. He kissed me once more time, and I went home, heartbroken.
Later that same week, our high school choir gave the annual Christmas concert at First United Methodist Church in Ripley. I was the accompanist and my sweet friend and mentor Mr. Harley Patterson was our choir director. He is a man of 6'8" or something like that - huge man with a deep and powerful baritone voice. I loved him. They rolled the nine foot concert grand piano out in the middle of the worship platform and we gave the concert. I played as 300 students sang behind me. It was a very proud moment in my young musical life. Chris was in the audience. David was also in the audience. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.
It was a cold, nasty, rainy night and as I tried to gather my things and leave the concert, David followed me out. It was freezing. And raining. We stood underneath a portico and he put his hands on my shoulders telling me how much he liked me and how we would be so good together, how we'd have so much fun together and all the reasons why I didn't need to be with Chris anymore. It was a pretty dramatic moment - like something you'd see in a sappy romantic movie. Right about the time I hugged David (and fell into his evil trap), Chris drove around the corner in his big ol Dodge Ram extended cab truck. He flung it into park, rolled down the window, and yelled for me to come and get inside. But I didn't. I said no to Chris, and yes to David. Chris was again heartbroken, and I felt SO terrible for it, but David had made me believe him.
That next weekend, David and I went out on the first and only date we would ever go out on. He drove. He came and picked me up in his silver Jeep Cherokee and we drove to Jackson. I remember that we both dressed up for this date and even though I can't remember where we ate, I remember going to a bookstore with him. Every time I pass that particular bookstore in Jackson I think of that night in December of 1999 with David and how totally blind I was to all his deceit.
A few days later, maybe the following Saturday night, Chris and all his fraternity brothers were having a party at his house. My girlfriends wanted to go to have a good time at the party but I really wasn't up to it, since it was at Chris's house. We pulled into the driveway and I remember telling my friend Amanda, "oh i don't know.. i don't need to go in there." When I walked into the kitchen, all the lights were out and there were lots of people there. Of course Chris's parents were no where around, so all these high school fraternity boys had beers and they were drinking up a storm. At that point in my life, I had had only one alcoholic beverage, so I was sort of angered at Chris allowing these folks to do this in his house, but I didn't say anything. Chris was sitting on the countertop at the bar and I walked right up to him. He said he wanted to talk, so we ended up going outside and sitting in his truck. The song that was playing on the radio was "Back At One" by Brian McKnight. I'll never forget it. I can't remember if it was a CD playing that he had purposefully put in there or it just happened to be on the radio, but it made perfect sense right then at THAT moment that I should forget about David Sanders and all his craziness to try and "get me." Chris and I made up that night and we continued on with our relationship, although it sure didn't last much longer than that.
David had driven a pretty large wedge between Chris and me, and almost on purpose. The damage that he had caused was not going to be able to be repaired. When David got wind that we had reconciled he was furious. He wrote me a note that I held on to until the Christmas of 2014 that said "Merry Fucking Christmas! I hope you choke on your egg nog." It makes me cringe just thinking of how David messed things up for me then. I should have been through with him, but I wasn't. Even after all the drama, I still wanted to see the good in him. Too bad there was never any good there to ever find.
Chris and I broke up a couple of months later in February. Two weeks later, he had another girlfriend. I was heartbroken. David was no where to be seen.
Now that I've written all this, I can see so clearly the parallels between what happened with my high school boyfriend and what happened with my husband. I feel so dumb so falling for it not for the first time, but for the second time when it really mattered. I had a boyfriend who thought I hung the moon, and David came in and turned it into a mess. I had a husband who once upon a time thought I hung the moon. Too bad.
How I Met Your Father
My Dearest and Most Beloved Sons,
This is a love story. A story of love, friendship, devotion, of loyalty, and of life. Its also a story of betrayal, deceit, dishonesty, and death. It involves friends, lovers, family, babies, and many, many pizzas, hundreds of pounds of tortellini, and gallons of ice cream. It's a match made in heaven. It's a scandal in a small town. I tell this story through tears of joy and happiness and through tears of deep, deep sorrow and pain. The sweet, happy parts are extremely sweet and happy, but the dark parts are extremely sour and will just leave a really bad taste in your mouth and on your mind.
1998 was the year I turned sixteen years old. I remember that year as being the year that I met Bradley Harrell at UTM Honor Band on the balcony of the University Lodge in Martin, Tennessee. Its the year I started driving myself to piano lessons on Tuesday afternoons, the year I became drum major of the marching band. I also had a rather obsessive crush on a hairy young man who played the tuba in our band - his nickname was Boo Boo.
I also met David Sanders that summer at band camp; he was a freshman trumpet player, I was a junior drum major.
I'll never forget the first time I laid eyes on Bradley. He was wearing baggy jeans with a collared polo shirt tucked in - and with a belt. Always with a belt. He had his Halls High School gold and black letter jacket on. But it was his hair that I noticed the most... he had the thickest helmet hair I think I'd ever seen. He struck me. It absolutely was NOT love at first sight..., but he looked so different from the boys I went to school with. He looked put together. He looked intelligent. And he was always at the honor bands. Later on that same month we were in the All West Tennessee Red Band together. Aside from another clarinet player I knew from Huntingdon, TN, he was the only person I knew. We talked alot during breaks from rehearsal and when the weekend was over, I was sad to say goodbye to him, even though I knew we lived literally 4 miles apart, and I could get in touch with him if I wanted to I guess.
A few months later, band camp began in July for the 1998 band season. I met David on the field one very hot summer day. He asked me about a friend of mine that he wanted to date..., as much of a date that a freshman boy could take a junior girl out on. That's how we became friends - he wanted to date Christie - my best friend. I began to talk to David a lot about her. He's tall, and that summer, had bleach blonde hair and the biggest, goofiest looking smile I had ever seen on a boy. Christie really didn't want to have much to do with him, but somehow through all of that, David and I became very close friends.
By the end of band camp, I had landed my first boyfriend, Chris. It was very hard for me to believe that anyone would want to date me, because even though I knew I was awesome, I really didn't see myself as being a girl a guy would want to date. I'm pretty festively plump, that is. But I enjoyed having his company and we had a great first year together. I'll never forget some of our most fun times. He was my first everything.
In the spring of 1999 the Ripley High School marching band and the Halls high school marching band made plans to go to Orlando, Florida to march together in a Disney World parade. What fun we had preparing for this trip! I was one of two drum majors for our band, and Bradley was one of two drum majors for the Halls band. This finally gave me an opportunity to get to know Bradley even more. The four drum majors met a few times outside of school to work on our routine we would do for "Malaguena," the piece the band was playing in the parade. I really began to sense something about Brad - but I for the life of me just thought it was the need to be friends with him. I was attracted to him, but certainly not sexually - just attracted.
I remember one specific night after we had had a rehearsal at school that evening, I went home and looked up Bradley's home phone number in the phone book! I know it hard to imagine this now, dear children, but there WAS a time when teenagers did not have cell phones and you had to look up numbers in a little yellow book filled with recycled paper for pages. I can remember that very act so clearly... sitting on my queen sized bed, in my bedroom at the Asbury house. My royal blue walls made the room look so dark... but I had it all fixed with my blue lava lamp and all my picture frames all around me... and my piano over by the bathroom door. I got Bradley on the phone. I called him first and we talked until midnight, as best as I can remember.
I was still dating Chris when we went to Florida. There is a red journal somewhere that I have a complete account of the Florida trip in. You can read it when you turn 50. Bradley's entire family chaperoned the Florida trip, but I was so wrapped up in Chris, I really didn't notice him. According to Brad, he had already begun to develop a crush on me at that point and sort of stalked me the whole trip. I didn't notice. David also went on that trip, but neither Brad nor I had much contact with him. He ran with his own circle.
Bradley graduated a month later in May of 1999 and went to a local community college on a full orchestra scholarship as a music major. I sort of always kept in touch with him through a good friend of mine who played in the community college's orchestra with Brad. I would send him notes through her, and she would return notes to me from him. Kind of like email... only through hands. Funny.
I kept thinking that whole year, "I wonder why Bradley went to that community college. He's SO intelligent and SO smart..." But it was more of a financial situation I believe. His parents literally had NOTHING to give him as far as money to get his education. He had scholarships for the first two years, but then took out loans for the rest of the three degrees he earned. (More about that later.)
So that's how we met.
This is a love story. A story of love, friendship, devotion, of loyalty, and of life. Its also a story of betrayal, deceit, dishonesty, and death. It involves friends, lovers, family, babies, and many, many pizzas, hundreds of pounds of tortellini, and gallons of ice cream. It's a match made in heaven. It's a scandal in a small town. I tell this story through tears of joy and happiness and through tears of deep, deep sorrow and pain. The sweet, happy parts are extremely sweet and happy, but the dark parts are extremely sour and will just leave a really bad taste in your mouth and on your mind.
1998 was the year I turned sixteen years old. I remember that year as being the year that I met Bradley Harrell at UTM Honor Band on the balcony of the University Lodge in Martin, Tennessee. Its the year I started driving myself to piano lessons on Tuesday afternoons, the year I became drum major of the marching band. I also had a rather obsessive crush on a hairy young man who played the tuba in our band - his nickname was Boo Boo.
I also met David Sanders that summer at band camp; he was a freshman trumpet player, I was a junior drum major.
I'll never forget the first time I laid eyes on Bradley. He was wearing baggy jeans with a collared polo shirt tucked in - and with a belt. Always with a belt. He had his Halls High School gold and black letter jacket on. But it was his hair that I noticed the most... he had the thickest helmet hair I think I'd ever seen. He struck me. It absolutely was NOT love at first sight..., but he looked so different from the boys I went to school with. He looked put together. He looked intelligent. And he was always at the honor bands. Later on that same month we were in the All West Tennessee Red Band together. Aside from another clarinet player I knew from Huntingdon, TN, he was the only person I knew. We talked alot during breaks from rehearsal and when the weekend was over, I was sad to say goodbye to him, even though I knew we lived literally 4 miles apart, and I could get in touch with him if I wanted to I guess.
A few months later, band camp began in July for the 1998 band season. I met David on the field one very hot summer day. He asked me about a friend of mine that he wanted to date..., as much of a date that a freshman boy could take a junior girl out on. That's how we became friends - he wanted to date Christie - my best friend. I began to talk to David a lot about her. He's tall, and that summer, had bleach blonde hair and the biggest, goofiest looking smile I had ever seen on a boy. Christie really didn't want to have much to do with him, but somehow through all of that, David and I became very close friends.
By the end of band camp, I had landed my first boyfriend, Chris. It was very hard for me to believe that anyone would want to date me, because even though I knew I was awesome, I really didn't see myself as being a girl a guy would want to date. I'm pretty festively plump, that is. But I enjoyed having his company and we had a great first year together. I'll never forget some of our most fun times. He was my first everything.
In the spring of 1999 the Ripley High School marching band and the Halls high school marching band made plans to go to Orlando, Florida to march together in a Disney World parade. What fun we had preparing for this trip! I was one of two drum majors for our band, and Bradley was one of two drum majors for the Halls band. This finally gave me an opportunity to get to know Bradley even more. The four drum majors met a few times outside of school to work on our routine we would do for "Malaguena," the piece the band was playing in the parade. I really began to sense something about Brad - but I for the life of me just thought it was the need to be friends with him. I was attracted to him, but certainly not sexually - just attracted.
I remember one specific night after we had had a rehearsal at school that evening, I went home and looked up Bradley's home phone number in the phone book! I know it hard to imagine this now, dear children, but there WAS a time when teenagers did not have cell phones and you had to look up numbers in a little yellow book filled with recycled paper for pages. I can remember that very act so clearly... sitting on my queen sized bed, in my bedroom at the Asbury house. My royal blue walls made the room look so dark... but I had it all fixed with my blue lava lamp and all my picture frames all around me... and my piano over by the bathroom door. I got Bradley on the phone. I called him first and we talked until midnight, as best as I can remember.
I was still dating Chris when we went to Florida. There is a red journal somewhere that I have a complete account of the Florida trip in. You can read it when you turn 50. Bradley's entire family chaperoned the Florida trip, but I was so wrapped up in Chris, I really didn't notice him. According to Brad, he had already begun to develop a crush on me at that point and sort of stalked me the whole trip. I didn't notice. David also went on that trip, but neither Brad nor I had much contact with him. He ran with his own circle.
Bradley graduated a month later in May of 1999 and went to a local community college on a full orchestra scholarship as a music major. I sort of always kept in touch with him through a good friend of mine who played in the community college's orchestra with Brad. I would send him notes through her, and she would return notes to me from him. Kind of like email... only through hands. Funny.
I kept thinking that whole year, "I wonder why Bradley went to that community college. He's SO intelligent and SO smart..." But it was more of a financial situation I believe. His parents literally had NOTHING to give him as far as money to get his education. He had scholarships for the first two years, but then took out loans for the rest of the three degrees he earned. (More about that later.)
So that's how we met.
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